TLIB received supplies from The Ink Road in exchange for a feature in this post.
Sometimes I just need cold, hard facts.
Sometimes I need to see evidence.
And that's okay.
I consider myself a person of pretty strong, firm faith, usually. You could say my faith is practically unwavering. Basically unshakable. Usually.
The truth is, I very often ask God to confirm ideas and beliefs for me. I also very often question myself even after I've gotten confirmation from God. And on those occasions when I don't get an answer from Him right away (or, heaven forbid, not at all!), I of course question myself even more, and then I start questioning all of my life choices because whose idea was it to let humankind have freedom to decide things for themselves and why can't God just give me a clear Yes or No answer so I don't ruin my life, my husband's life, my children's lives, and really God, don't trust me with this whole "free will" thing.
I guess God trusts me much more than I trust myself. After all, He's blessed me with a husband and two children, and a fish. And now my husband and I have even talked about getting a cat (please let it be so!), which is more responsibility, especially if we want the fish to remain living. God trusts me with these precious gifts, even though I am sure I am unfit six times out of ten. Maybe even seven or eight times.
God wants us to experience His blessings and miracles. Believing without seeing is incredible faith, and He loves that from us, but He also wants to bless us and show us who He is. He wants us to know who He is by having experienced His gifts!
As I said, God gave me a pretty amazing husband. And then He gave me two pretty amazing kids. And now He's blessed me with a pretty amazing life. And all of this after I ran away from Him, lied to everyone and to myself, cheated, stole, and manipulated my way through the first 20-ish years of my life.
All of my basic needs are met, and then some. Of course my life isn't easy or perfect, but He gives me the breath in my lungs, and He gives me joy via a freshly sharpened pencil. He gives me my husband's love and companionship, my boys' sweet cheeks to kiss and pinch, and He gives me excitement over a new technique to try on my next project.
God wants us to experience His blessings and miracles.
So let me break it down (for myself):
Christ (God's gift to sinners) meets me, the Spirit (God's gift to His children) moves in me, and God's blessings continue to pour out -- all of these gifts which I consider nothing short of miracles.
Even on my darkest days, even during my spiritually desert-dry seasons, and even when I question whether or not He cares or whether or not any of it even matters, He continues to show me who He is; so during my times of doubt I can look at even my own life and consider it evidence of His love for me. Evidence of His grace. Evidence of His forgiveness and His compassion.
Some days I am seeking Him and worshiping Him because of a sign I saw or a feeling I felt; some days I'm seeking Him out of pure, unwavering faith.
But on other days, as in John 6:26, I seek Him because I doubt. And then He reveals Himself to me through my husband, or my two miracles boys, or just through living my life, and I want -- I need -- to see more of Him, so I continue to seek this way, to see what else He'll show me.
HOW ABOUT YOU? Tell me I'm not the only one! Have you ever experienced a dry spiritual season, or a time of serious doubt? What did God do to bring you back to Him? How did He remind you of who He is? ⤵︎
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