Hi friends! My name is Kendall and I blog over at Simply Kendall Rose, where I write about all things adventurous. I am super excited to be guest blogging today for sweet Tawni and to share a part of my story with you all!
For starters, I have to say I am a control freak. Though it’s pretty ironic that I am sitting here staring at my mess of a room right now, nonetheless, I like to have control over my life. When I was in high school I thought I had everything figured out (don’t all teenagers, though?). I “knew” who I was going to marry, where I was going to college, what I was going to be when I was older, all the important things — I thought I had them figured out. It took about five months into my freshman year in college to learn that, unfortunately, that was not the truth.
I was home for my spring break when I found out I had heart failure (along with previous existing conditions which made it all that much worse). Within a matter of minutes, my world changed. Not only was this bad news, even worse, it did not fit my plan. It ruined it. I had to drop out of my spring semester, move home, and start lifelong medication as well as prepare for extensive surgeries.
After already having to deal with heart disease, a pacemaker, and other complications throughout my entire life, I couldn’t believe this was happening. I had become closer to God in the prior three months than I ever had been before. How could God do this to me? Why was He punishing me when all I had tried to do was build my relationship with Him? And why was He messing up my plan?
As the next several days went by, I became more calm and accepting of what was happening. I figured I would have the surgery, spend the summer recovering, and get back in line with my plan. But God had something different in mind.
I spent the following couple of weeks going to doctors' appointments, getting poked and prodded in every imaginable way, and consuming more medication than I ever had before. It was draining -- mentally and physically -- and I quickly found out that I couldn’t do it alone. I was weak, scared, torn down, and even though I was so mad at God, I had no other choice but to turn to Him.
I slowly began to look toward The Lord through this hard time and tried to accept what was happening. The first surgery came and went and didn’t go as planned. I was devastated. I was following His way and still He changed my plan. I couldn’t understand why this was happening. He had already changed my life path drastically, and He couldn’t even give me this?
My second surgery went better than expected, and it was through that victory that I reluctantly started to let go of my life plan and grasp onto The Lord’s. As hard as it was to do, it was the best decision I have ever made.
It is so frustrating when our lives don’t go the way that we plan. We think our plan is the right way and the best way, but it’s not. And that is so hard to recognize.
It is unbelievable what great and wonderful plans He has for us. We so often forget that His plans are so much greater and so much more fulfilling, and it often isn’t until after the fact that we realize this truth. Looking back I am absolutely amazed at how The Lord has worked through my life. It was through my trials that Christ taught me to trust in Him and His plan.
I still struggle everyday with trusting His plan over mine. Even though time and time again He has shown me that His plan is better, I forget. But it is through His grace and forgiveness that I find my way again.
So many thanks to Kendall for sharing her beautiful story with us! If you'd like to read more from Kendall, visit her at Simply Kendall Rose.