I sit here alone -- I meant to go to bed about an hour ago -- and I wonder what in the world I'm even blogging for. It has been on my heart for awhile now to start this personal blog, but I'm not even sure why. I don't know if the blog is for me, or if it's for my friends, or if it's for one particular person that God has planned to read -- even just one line at some point -- to encourage them. I am not a particularly inspirational person. Not in a sense that is any more or less inspirational than anyone else, I mean. (I'm not trying to put myself down, here, in other words. I know I have my merits.) I guess everyone has their own story, and since God created us to create, and since He gave me this love of writing, I'll use a blogging platform to create some "stuff". I suppose it could be argued that since I'm using a God-given gift with the intention of encouraging and inspiring someone, and am pointing to Him all the while, writing is a form of worship for me.
I've always been of the mind that wherever I feel most like myself, most comfortable in my own skin, is just exactly where God intended me to be in that moment. For example, I have been singing -- like, on a stage -- since I was 4 years old. (I know that's not a big deal; just wait for it.) I used to be an outgoing introvert, but at some point in my teens that changed (that's about the time I became very self-conscious, too... go figure). I'm really shy now. A shy introvert. (Read: Please don't expect me to say something to you unless you say something first. And if my response is short or matter-of-fact, it's not because I don't like you, it's because I really don't like speaking unless I feel like I know/can trust you.) So since I am a singer, and worship leader, I get asked to speak in public occasionally. I laugh and say "no, I can't speak in public." This usually earns a remark or question about how I manage to sing in front of people, to which I really don't have a response that would make sense out loud. It makes sense in my head, but any time I tell someone that it's easier for me to sing in public than it is for me to speak in public, I usually get looks of confusion. The truth is though, I feel more like my real self when I'm singing on a stage -- worshipping through singing, in particular -- than I do anywhere else. (Besides when I'm at home with my husband and son, of course. Please.)
Like singing, writing is another outlet of mine. It always has been, too. I'm much better at writing than I am at speaking. That's why I love social media so much. (Sad.) I feel comfortable commenting on your photos or status updates because I don't have to deal with awkward (for me) small-talk before or after. I can agree with you, and let you know just by clicking a small thumbs-up icon. No words necessary. If I disagree with you I can keep scrolling. I feel comfortable here, staring at this screen. I feel like I can really just be myself. So, I don't know who -- if anyone -- will read any of these blog posts, but it's not necessarily for "the reader". And as I shake my head now, I guess I can answer my own question. This blog is for me, as a creative outlet, and it's for God.
All that being said, it's not as if I'm not writing with others in mind. So although my posts aren't necessarily written with the intention of drawing you closer to me, or of drawing attention to myself, I do have a desire to lift you up -- to encourage you and inspire you -- and I think that's where the "for God" part comes in.
What about you? What is your form of creative expression? Fashion? Music? Dance? Art? And what is your favorite form of worship? When/where do you feel most like your real self?
I'm not alone: I found this short post about another real-life introvert who is often mistaken for an extrovert because of his social media activity.